Let me say, right from the start, that my opinion on sexual discrimination is that it is disgusting, reprehensible, and goes unpunished far too often. If you are someone who thinks women just make up stories or have emotional issues and that's why this is happening, you can stop reading right now.
For those of you who stayed, however, it's past time for us to have open conversations about what goes on, what is and isn't sexist behavior, and what we should be doing about it. In the wake of the #MeToo movement it's grown if not accepted then at least not as unexpected for women to openly acknowledge how poorly they are being treated. In this instance, I am focusing specifically on sexist behavior in the workplace. It's a hard thing to face, particularly for women whose upbringing has shaped them to think this is commonplace and acceptable. Unfortunately, sexist behavior in the workplace is common enough to be an issue vital to the health and wellness of women around the world.
Sexist behavior is something that is a difficult thing for me to easily identify unless it's blatant. I was raised fairly conservatively, and admit to being very naive about a lot of how the world worked because of the isolated bubble I grew up in. So there are things that have happened that, at the time, didn't seem particularly sexist but looking back on them later I realized just how discriminatory they were. Sometimes it's subtle sexism. Like when a guy tells me I shouldn't be lifting bags of concrete, and should get a guy to do it. Perhaps it isn't meant as sexism; many men have more upper body strength than many women. However, the assumption that I would not be able to do it because I was female was insulting. Particularly since this was actually part of my job.
Other times it was more overt. When I worked in big box electronics, I encountered sexism near-constantly. I was constantly getting snubbed and my opinions, knowledge, or skills called into question because I was female. It wasn't even just fellow employees. I would have customers ask me a question and then turn to my male subordinate and ask the same thing, despite my having already answered the question. I even had one customer tell me to my face that "girls can't handle computers because they're too dumb." Needless to say, he did not receive excellent customer service from anyone in the store that day.
Unfortunately, sexual discrimination and harassment were par for the course with that place. In my many years there, only one lawsuit was successfully waged against the company, and it wasn't even on behalf of the employee who was sexually harassed. A female employee was sexually harassed and belittled by her male supervisor. When another male supervisor complained to store management about it, he and the female employee were both terminated for "poor performance". The male manager took his termination to the EEOC, and they successfully sued on his behalf for wrongful termination. Things went crazy, the company scrambled to cover their butts by firing the manager who'd committed the harassment, and then pulled shenanigans trying to get it settled out of court. The judge grew frustrated with the shenanigans, threw the book at the company, and they ended up settling the wrongful termination case for several million dollars. They instituted bi-annual harassment seminars and claimed to be complying with the demands of the EEOC. In reality, though, the behavior didn't change; it just went underground and became less overt.
As one of only two female managers, I was a front row witness to just how little things changed after that. In fact, the behavior was worse because it encouraged the bro-culture to be more vindictive and bitter instead of just creepy. There were closed-door manager meetings on a weekly basis that we had to sit through, where behavior was so testosterone-infused I was always mildly surprised they weren't getting up to chest bump each other, and business discussions were frequently derailed by mention of the local football team or if everyone was going out to play basketball after work.
The point at which the sexist behavior became too much even for me was when it was heavily implied to me that I was unfit for my position because I was female. I was called in to a meeting with my store manager and told the company would be eliminating my position. I later learned that was a bald-faced lie; he simply wanted to replace me with a male associate he felt would "handle the responsibilities of being a manager better". I was also told they would be switching it from a salaried to an hourly position (which was another lie), and that the only way I would be able to continue with the company would be to take a demotion and move to a commission-only position in another department. I had been with the company for over a decade at that point. The store manager had known me for ten years. He knew my personality, he knew my determination and drive, and he knew how I handled things. That's why what he said next made no sense to me. After giving up a large portion of my life, my health, and my kids childhoods to make something I could be proud of, he told me I would be a great appliance salesperson because as a mom, I'd be great in a kitchen.
This is just one story. One instance of behavior that some men don't see as problematic or wrong. It's just "the way things are." Women are constantly treated poorly, as if we are somehow incapable of making decisions for ourselves. This kind of thinking is wrong. It was wrong in the past, it is wrong in the present, and it will still be wrong in the future. Nothing gives one person the right to tell another what they are and are not allowed to do, think or feel. Regardless of gender. Regardless of religion. Regardless of how much melanin happens to be present in his or her skin. No one.
We have to take control of our own lives. We have to stop allowing ourselves to be spoken down to, insulted, belittled or dominated simply because we are women. Women are in the workforce, now. We will not leave it on anyone's say so.